Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
