i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You are a genius and a whore.
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