Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
