i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
