im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
