There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
