dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize