Christians are straight up FREAKS
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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