I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
