I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
