Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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