I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
