Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
