I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
