its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
