Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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