I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize