see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
