he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
false alarm, still single
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