My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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