dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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