Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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