Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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