Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize