also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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