butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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