i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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