We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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