Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
