I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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