my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
