YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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