i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize