i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
