4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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