i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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