Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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