I'm really into asian looking animals
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
