I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize