Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
