drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
