a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
