I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
