do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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