at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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