So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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