I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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