You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
