Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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