so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
