you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
