And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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