Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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