I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize