Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
