i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
