Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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