I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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