I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
