I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
