why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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