im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
