Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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