Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
