i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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