Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
