Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize