Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
