Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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