i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
