If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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