my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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