I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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