it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
